Last week, as my mentor gave me what seemed like my 100th ass chewing for the same stupid mistake, I responded back to her and actually told her thank you. Please continue to hold me accountable. I told her that I didn’t want empathy or pity. As hard as they are to take sometimes, those what I have come to dub as “Come To Jesus Talks” help keep me focused. When I screw up don’t coddle me. Don’t let me give excuse after excuse. Call my bullshit bullshit. Whatever excuse I have given myself, throw it in the garbage. Because the bottom line is, sometimes you need someone tearing up your ticket for the pity train. To tell you to suck it the hell up.Otherwise we get stuck in a never ending cycle of self pity and failure and never take responsibility for the role you play in it all.
For as long as I can remember i’ve been a go getter. I know what I want and i’ll work hard to get there. But when things get hard and I have to put in a little effort I wave the flag and sabotage any process i’ve made. Why? Because i’m a cry baby. A big cry baby. We’re being honest here right? I’ll own it. But it’s hard. It is difficult. You don’t understand this, that, or the other circumstance. I know I can be the queen of “poor me”. So that is why I asked someone to step in and give me the occasional metaphorical punch in the stomach. Because I know it isn’t a habit I can break on my own. You can only trip over your own feet so many times before you realize you’re the reason you’re landing face first on the ground.
I found an old blog from 7 years ago where I talked about how I had lost weight and then gained back all I lost. That blog gave every poor me there is. This happened. The other thing happened and none of this is my fault. Feel sorry for me! This has been a habit for me for years. To hide behind excuses is to claim you have no power in your own life and choices which is complete crap.
I watched a TedX talk recently by Mel Robbins called How To Stop Screwing Yourself Over where she talks about how we get stuck in this continuous life rut. Let’s bullet point the important parts.
- I’m Fine. We convince ourselves we’re fine where we are. If you convince yourself you’re fine where you are you don’t have to do anything about it. That thing that you want, you’ve convinced yourself that you’re fine not having it.
- You are never going to feel like it.
- It’s your job to make yourself do the crap you don’t want to do so you can be everything you’re supposed to be.
- One side of your brain is auto pilot and the other side of your brain is emergency brake. (Your brain prefers auto pilot)
- Anytime your brain does anything that is different from your normal routine it throws on the emergency brake.
- Anything that is a break from your routine is going to require force.
- If you’re in your head you are behind enemy lines. You would not hang out with people that talk to you the way you talk to yourself. Get out of your head.
- Get past your feelings. Your feelings are screwing you. It doesn’t matter how you feel. It matters what you want.
- If you listen to how you feel when it comes to what you want you will not get it because you will never feel like it.
- Get Outside Your Comfort Zone. That is where the magic happens.
The one that I am taking with me the most is if you listen to how you feel when it comes to what you want you will not get it because you will never feel like it.
She summed my problem up in that one little sentence. It’s easier to not have to push yourself. It’s easier to stay where it is comfortable. So the beginning of change is outside my comfort zone. It’s time to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.